Many people want to be themselves, but are afraid of going astray. Of course, what exactly do you mean by being yourself, and where do you start from? Let’s talk about the details today.
I was speechless. I didn’t know how to answer.
In fact, many people don’t know what they like, what their hobbies are, and what kind of work they will do in the future. In other words, different people must do different jobs, and different People will definitely lead different lives.
So what kind of life a person leads depends on his own choice?
I suddenly felt that he asked me this question. I thought it was quite sad, because a person with the best education would actually ask others what kind of life he needs to live.
Only a small number of people really know what they want to do and what they are doing.
Many people say that we should not follow the trend in life. It is best to do what we want to do, do what we like to do, and become the kind of person we want to be.
In fact, the first person to raise the topic of being oneself was Teacher Kai-fu Lee. The book he wrote is called "Being the Best You".
These books at that time were of the same type as inspirational books such as "Du Lala's Promotion". So what does it mean to be the best version of yourself? Obviously the good thing is the position and professional title.
For example, you are promoted from worker to team leader, from team leader to deputy manager, and then to manager. All in all, getting a higher position in a company is the best and highest reward you can get through hard work, which is the so-called success.
Of course, I think this does not mean that it is not called success, but if the whole world says this, it would be too boring. Success in life is just about increasing yourself. position, is this about being the “best version of yourself”?
Apparently not.
Because in this world, whether you are within the system or outside the system, you can get a promotion and a salary increase. This is a small probability event, at least like Such success is of low probability.
Now I think everyone thinks that being yourself is equivalent to Find Myself, discover yourself, find yourself. But our colleagues can also see that there are many assessments in the world. For example, there are many self-assessments and evaluations on WeChat: MBTI, 9-type personality, Holland and zodiac signs...
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Actually we are not testing ourselvesInstead, we put a label on ourselves to make ourselves more comfortable. Many times our horoscopes, constellations or personalities end up being like this, that is, we put such a label on ourselves.
Through an assessment, you can confidently and boldly tell your friends what kind of person I am. In other words, we want to find ourselves. If you like the tag, put it on your own character to endorse yourself.
Why do we want to have this need? Because most of us don’t have our true and mature selves.
At least it is a lack of confidence.
Introverts are afraid of communication, extroverts will be called boastful and vain, radical people are afraid of bumping into others, and conservative people are afraid of their silence. Make others think you are taciturn. Let others look down on us, so we must find a label and a personality that suits us.
When you were a child, your parents would tell you that you should get into a good middle school; then, get into a good university; then, find a good job; then find a good wife; Give birth to a good child... Then, life is like this, endless children and grandchildren, and perhaps this is what it means. Many people are the same.
A person's life actually only lasts one day, and he repeats this day for a lifetime, that's all.
If you say that you are not doing well, then you will argue that you are just being yourself. Sometimes you clearly cannot do it, but you say that I No, I just want to be myself.
At this stage, "being yourself" has become a shell of yourself, a shell that you defend yourself to protect yourself. Although you clearly have no ability, you say that you are "doing it". "Myself" then I think this is a bit self-deceiving!
Here I want to tell a story. A person once asked Buffett how can I achieve success like you. Buffett said I will tell you step 1, you find Come up with 25 things that you particularly want, interesting and useful. Step 2: Circle 5 things that you think are the most important among these 25.
The man said I got it, and then hit Mary and started doing these 5, and then did 20 more.
Buffett said that’s not true. Next, you have to avoid the other 20 goals like the plague for the rest of your life, because people can only do 5 things well in this life, and you have to try your best. To avoid those twentyGoal, and then go all out to do these 5.
This incident brings us a lot of thinking: What do we really need? What is it that we should really be doing?
Someone asked Rodin, what is sculpture? Rodin replied that sculpture is to remove the parts that do not belong to a piece of stone, and what is left is actually the sculpture itself.
I think life is also such a subtraction process of constantly removing useless parts. It is a false me from society, an imaginary me and a heavy burden. The me in the mask has been in the process of being the real me, and the inner me is slowly finding the real me.
A classmate asked me how to be the best and how to earn 1 million easily.
Here I want to tell you a law about ducks.
Have you ever seen what a duck really looks like when it's swimming in water?
Under normal circumstances, people only see ducks swimming leisurely on the water.
But after diving into the water, you will find that its duck webs have been paddling desperately without stopping for a moment.
Life is like a duck in water.
Behind every glamor, there is persistence and hard work that you can’t imagine.
Elegance requires confidence, magnificence requires strength
What do I want to talk about? ——Those things that seem easy, pleasant, and not difficult actually have huge accumulation behind them. When you see people talking about their experiences in a relaxed manner, they may have tried their best to save "one million" for themselves; when they make one million easily, there are actually 10 million or even 100 million behind them. effort.
You cannot actually see the self. You only know where the boundary is when you bump into something.
In other words, there is no struggle for self at all, it is just a continuous process of self-shaping.
This is like climbing a mountain and facing a dangerous peak. You work hard to make all the preparations you need to make, then climb it up, or slide down to the bottom to rest. Only when you encounter mountain wind can you see your true self, whether you are brave or fragile. Only when you encounter difficulties can you know whether you are strong or a coward.
In other words, you have to bump into strong things, terrible things, and things with very high standards throughout your life, and only then can you know who you are. , just constantlyThe process of shaping yourself.
So here are 4 points on how to truly be yourself.
The first is self-acceptance
A person must first be able to accept himself, admit his own ordinaryness, admit his own It is very important to be able to truly see oneself clearly about strengths and weaknesses and give oneself an accurate positioning. It is neither complacent nor arrogant nor inferior. It is important to be able to recognize one's position on the road ahead, so the first thing is self-acceptance. .
The second one is self-responsibility
In other words, how do you face a bad boss or a bad boss? A colleague, can you change him or choose him, accept him, face him, achieve self-growth, can you change the status quo? Or blame others, which gives you the option of taking responsibility for yourself.
The third one is self-transcendence
If a person has not been injured, it means that he has not worked hard enough. When he is doing self-transcendence, he may be right or wrong, but at least it means that he is taking action and making progress.
Every day we must make a little progress than yesterday, and we must keep climbing and working hard. This is the meaning of self-transcendence.
So I think that to truly be yourself is to constantly transcend yourself, be responsible for the results and yourself, and through this process, continue to understand the world you know.
What I want to tell you is that when you really "be yourself", you are really not tired.
Persistence is passion plus hard work, which means that a person has long-term goals and continuous motivation to achieve satisfaction in his or her life.
When you do your own thing, live for yourself, and have your own goals and continuous motivation, then the more you will focus on a grand passion and direction. And if you continue to improve yourself and practice deliberately, you will feel more happiness.
Similarly, I think when people ask others if they are not tired when they struggle so hard, I have to ask:
Aren’t you tired after living such a miserable life?
Many programmers are off work. I suddenly feel that these programmers are working overtime every day, even 24 hours a day, their 996 and 007. I feel that artificial intelligence is becoming more and more like people, rather than people trying harder and harder to become artificial intelligence.
When the pressure that life brings to you comes overwhelming, the time you spend is not much less than when you work hard to create your own future, but the former What brings you is joy and happiness, while the latter is completely passive anxiety and fear.
Each of us should use your self to collide with something higher, stronger, and more powerful, so that you can constantly start and make breakthroughs.
We do not have a certain appearance and state, but we are meant to work hard and forge ahead. Being the best version of yourself and growing into the best version of yourself is actually not about becoming what you should be.
I read a book some time ago, and it talked about a concept that I found very interesting and valuable. He said that he hopes you can be long-term and always do what is most worthwhile for the rest of your life. That one thing!
It tells us that when we face the uncertainty of the future, what mentality should we face it with, and what should we face?
I had been thinking about it for half the night and came up with this idea: People always have to do something valuable and meaningful, and continue to work hard to do it. The better. Maybe you won't be able to do it, but so what?
In the face of all uncertainties, your best mentality is that before it comes, you will feel that this thing is still worth it.
When facing uncertainty, the best mentality is that when uncertainty comes, you will feel that this matter is still worth it. Although it may double or fail, your heart will always be peaceful and peaceful. This is the attitude we should have towards the future.
Come on, everyone, I am Xiaoxiang Jianer!
The founder of the psychoanalytic theory
The founder of the psychoanalytic theory. Times are changing. People’s lives are becoming more and more stressful. Psychological problems are inevitable. Psychology The three major schools are psychoanalysis, behaviorism psychology, and humanistic psychology. Let me introduce the founder of psychoanalysis theory.
The founder of psychoanalytic theory 1The life of Carl Jung, the founder of analytical psychology
Carl Jung, a representative figure of psychoanalysis: Loneliness A life of achievement
Loneliness does not come from having no one around you. The real reason for feeling lonely is because a person is unable to communicate with others about the feelings that matter most to him or her. ——This is a famous quote from the famous Swiss psychologist Jung.
As the founder of analytical psychology and a representative of the psychoanalytic school, Carl Jung has a label that cannot be removed: loneliness.
As a pioneer of psychology in an era, he was indeed lonely. Following Jung's growth trajectory, we will find that loneliness is not only a label for his life, but also an effective help for him to awaken his own potential and achieve great things. The reason is simple - "high quality" must be "cool".
Lonely childhood, Jung had a lonely childhood, and his childhood loneliness was divided into two parts.
The first part comes from family.
As early as Jung could remember, Jung’s parents had marital problems. His father was irritable, easily angered, and a difficult person to get along with; his mother often had hysterical attacks because she was often in a state of emotional repression.
His parents’ bedrooms were separate, and Jung and his father shared a bedroom. He remembered hearing his mother making strange and mysterious noises at night, which made him uneasy all night long. He often had some terrible dreams: for example, once, he dreamed that a figure came out of his mother's room, and the head gradually separated from the body, and the head floated in the air; after that, another head grew on the neck, and gradually separated from the body. Float away from the air.
These dreams remained in Jung's memory, and Jung wrote them in his autobiography in his later years. When Jung couldn't stand it anymore, he hid in the attic alone. He carved the figure himself from a piece of wood and considered it his best friend. When he was lonely, little Jung often had long conversations with it. The conversation with the wood carving gave Jung spiritual comfort.
As early as that time, Jung began to have a dialogue with ancient spirits while escaping from reality, and it was in this dialogue that he unconsciously found the basis for his spiritual development. It provides a way out without getting stuck and going into a "dead alley" or a dead end.
The second part is that he has been close to death several times.
Jung mentioned in his autobiography: In remote mountainous areas, local fishermen often died under dangerous and rapid waterfalls. Jung still clearly retained memories of those funeral ceremonies until he was old - a big, black box was placed next to a dark pit;
Wearing a black robe and wearing a black hat, Priests with tall hats presided over the entire ceremony; their faces were gloomy and melancholy... Jung's father was a pastor.Eight of his relatives were also priests. During Jung's childhood, he was almost surrounded by these clergymen wearing black robes and stern faces. Their faces and expressions had frightened little Jung for many years, which was probably one of the reasons why he later refused to choose the priesthood.
When he was a child, Jung once broke his head and blood flowed all over the steps of the church; another time, he almost fell from the bridge across the Rhine Falls. He drowned. Fortunately, the maid had quick eyesight and quick hands and caught him from the bridge railing in time.
At the age of eleven, Jung transferred from a rural school to a large school in Basel. Here, among impossibly wealthy people, Jung came to class wearing tattered shoes and rain-soaked socks. As the son of a poor pastor, he was full of jealousy of the children of wealthy families, and began to look at his family in a different light, and even pitied his father.
School life is boring and boring, and it takes up too much time. Jung believed that this time could have been used to read books that he was really interested in; he had a strong desire for knowledge, but he Discovery: What the teacher taught in class could not satisfy his spiritual needs at all. When he was 12 years old, he was pushed down by a boy at noon in early summer. In the following months, Jung often fell into a coma and was out of school for six months.
During these six months, he plunged into his father's library and immersed himself in the joy of reading based on his own interests. In the countryside, nature gave him a kind of salvation. He once again felt the intimate connection and mysterious communication with woods, rocks, swamps and rivers. Jung's parents were very worried about their son's sickness. They called doctors one after another, but no doctor could diagnose what kind of disease it was.
Jung didn’t care at all about his illness. On the contrary, he felt better than at school. If it existed at that time and has reached the level it is today, it is not difficult for anyone to guess that this mental symptom is likely to stem from a need to escape.
But one day, he overheard his father talking to a friend. The father said: "The doctors can't tell what's wrong with him. If he really suffers from an incurable disease, it would be terrible. I have spent all the little savings I have. If this child The prospect of not being able to make a living on my own in the future is really unimaginable."
Jung finally realized that he had brought great pain and worry to his father. Faced with the harsh reality, Jung was shocked and awakened from his big dream. Since then, the disease has disappeared and has never returned. He immediately ran into his father's library and reviewed Latin grammar; he returned to school and studied harder than ever.
Looking back many years later, he divided himself into two personalities-No. 1 and No. 2. The No. 1 personality is reflected in daily life. At this time, he is like an ordinary child, going to school, concentrating and studying seriously; the other personalityLike an adult, he is suspicious, does not trust others easily, and stays away from others.
This experience of suspension from school and illness made him truly understand what neurosis is. Jung's No. 2 personality slowly disappeared and No. 1 personality became the main personality; at the same time, he began to come into contact with the history of Western philosophy, including the works of Schopenhauer.
The Continuation of Loneliness
Schopenhauer was Jung’s favorite philosopher. Schopenhauer said: "When we read, we are thinking with other people's minds."
Since childhood, Jung had many dreams that he did not dare to tell anyone and the consequences of these dreams. ideas generated. In Jung's family and the environment in which he lived, once the question related to religion, the person who raised the question committed a big taboo. Even when Jung was very young, when asked questions about religious teachings, the only answer he could get was: "There is no doubt about it. You can't waver on this issue."
There must be no wavering teachings that suppressed Jung's spiritual development, so Jung had to resort to a lot of reading in order to clarify the issues that troubled him. Of course, the answer to the question cannot be found all at once. In order to obtain temporary relaxation and relief, literary works and historical works gradually became Jung's spiritual preference, which laid the foundation for his future profound knowledge and profound education.
Jung read many books as a teenager, and all the dead authors seemed to come to life in his mind. He was both excited and frightened by this, hoping to obtain self-confirmation through communication with others; and since he had never thought about such issues and had not read any relevant books, others naturally found his ideas to be weird. , and even suspected that he was a braggart who made up theories and concepts based on random thoughts.
At the same time, some teachers did not believe that he had thought about these issues at his age, and therefore accused him of plagiarism and plagiarism in everything he said. Jung was once again isolated and retreated into his inner world. Only there did he feel the security and self-respect that he could not get in the outside world.
Sublimation of loneliness
Jung said: "The way we look at things, not the things themselves, determines everything."
This is what he said and what he did.
Loneliness has always been with him from childhood to youth, and his way of escaping loneliness made him well-read and laid a solid foundation for later psychological research.
For Jung, Freud was the most important person he ever met.
In March 1907, Jung and Freud formally met in Vienna, and the two talked for nearly 30 hours. Six months later, Freud sent his research results to Jung, and the two began a six-year close relationship and cooperation..
However, the loneliness of genius is doomed.
In 1910, Jung elaborated on the differences between him and Freud in psychological research in his paper "Studies in the Psychology of the Unconscious"; in 1912, the publication of "Studies in the Psychology of the Unconscious" made him A complete break with Freud. Jung then hit a dead end - friends and colleagues turned their backs on him, his teachings were severely criticized, and he suffered from personal spiritual problems.
Being lonely again still did not defeat Jung.
In 1914, he resigned from his position and began a series of travels, focusing on exploring his subconscious. In 1918, he was inspired by the works of Gnostic writers and alchemy, and began to study the psychology of consciousness from a new perspective. In 1921, he published the book "Psychological Types", which explored the possible attitudes of the conscious mind towards the world. After the publication of this book, Jung's reputation in the psychology world increased.
In 1928, Jung collaborated with Richard Wilhelm to study alchemy and mandala symbolism, and achieved fruitful results. His thoughts suddenly became enlightened, and "The Secret and Commentary of the Golden Flower" was published in 1929. His theory was welcomed by the psychology community.
Since then, Jung has gone deeper and deeper into the field of psychology, publishing many books in succession, and eventually becoming a master that no one can surpass.
Jung said: "Those who look outside are dreamers, and those who look inward are awake." In the loneliness of his life, although Jung had dreams from time to time, he chose to be a dreamer. The sober one, and finally sublimate loneliness in the wilderness of the soul. Jung is the closest contemporary master. He lived to the age of 86 and died in 1961.
He was born in the Swiss countryside. There are many clergy and psychics in his family. After observing a spiritualistic ritual performed by his psychic cousin, he completed his doctoral thesis on the psychology behind paranormal phenomena. His wife Emma is the daughter of the famous IWC family in Paris. This marriage helped Jung escape from a difficult environment and also brought many connections and social resources.
Jung's teacher at Zurich Medical School, Bleuler, was the first person to express support for Freud after the publication of "The Interpretation of Dreams" and introduced the two to their relationship. In 1907, after corresponding many times, the two hit it off. Jung even surpassed Adler to become a core figure in Freud's circle and became the first president of the reorganized International Psychoanalytic Association.
The letters between the two showed tangled and complicated emotions. Freud hoped that Jung would believe in his theory and not leave him. In 1913, the two completely broke up. Freud forbade those around him to associate with Jung. Jung retreated into a dark period. During the dark period, Jung began to talk to himself, developed the technique of active imagination, and formed analytical psychology, that is, core concepts such as the collective subconscious, personas, and complexes.
Jung's painting skills were excellent and he published "The Black Book" and "The Red Book". His concept of psychic energy, and the energy gathered around complexes, inspired the later Hellinger Family Arrangement System. Jung was the one with the highest interest in mysticism and the most ambitious view of the universe among the masters of psychoanalysis. Keep researching and thinking about culture and history throughout your life. It covers the I Ching, mythology, alchemy, astrology, religion and dreams.
Jung attached great importance to dreams: he proposed the amplification method to infinitely amplify and extend the content of dreams for analysis. He believed that dreams were more important than consciousness. He discovered the concept of synchronicity from the traditional Chinese Book of Changes, that is, a person's state of existence can be revealed in certain ways. Some ancient Jungian analysts still use divination for analysis. Jung once co-authored "The Secret of the Golden Flower" with the German missionary Wilhelm Wilhelm to introduce Lu Dongbin's philosophical thoughts to the West.
Different from Freud’s emphasis on early personal experience, Jung emphasized people’s lifelong development. For example, an alchemist transforms ordinary substances into gold. People also need to transform their own “self-nature” and connect with their own. Be authentic and consistent. Jungian thought spread widely in the West in the 1960s and became an important trend of thought in the New Age (New Age movement), triggering society's renewed attention to spirituality.
The famous Italian director Fellini was a fan of Jung and accepted the analysis of the Jungian school throughout his life. His masterpiece "Eight and a Half Parts" displays a strong dream style and a fascinating exploration of the subconscious.
Founder of Psychoanalytic Theory 2In the early 20th century, Sigmund Freud's influence in the scientific community was unparalleled. Freud published "The Interpretation of Dreams" in 1899 and established the International Psychoanalytic Society in 1919. The school of psychoanalysis raised psychology to a new level.
Freud’s ideas have attracted a large number of extremely talented students and scholars around the world, the most famous of which are Eric Fromm, Alfred Adler, Carl Jung, Sandor Ferenczi, Karen Horney, etc. later became famous psychologists.
But Freud should be a very difficult mentor. He was more like a stubborn old man. He could not tolerate any criticism or opinions from his students on the basic principles of psychoanalysis. If Freud was alive in today's society, it would be difficult for his graduate students to graduate.
But on the contrary, among Freud's students, there are many students who are just like him and are equally stubborn (perhaps most talented people are stubborn). These students would rather Even if the mentors part ways, they must pursue their own ideas. The most famous among them are Adler and Jung.
In the early years of the 20th century, Freud and Jung had a very good relationship, and Jung helped Freud develop and improve psychoanalytic theory. There was even a time when Freud wanted to train Jung, who was slightly younger than himself, as his "crown prince" and heir.
However, it is obvious that scientific research does not adapt to the routine of the feudal dynasty. After conducting in-depth research on psychoanalysis, Jung gradually developed his own ideological system, while Freud's stubborn "paternalism" obviously became Obstacles to the Development of Psychoanalysis.
In "Jung's Autobiographic Memories, Dreams and Reflections", he recalled a conversation with Freud in this way.
"Dear Jung, promise me never to give up the 'sexual theory'. This is the most fundamental thing. You know, we must enshrine it as truth, we must regard this theory as An unshakable fortress."
We can understand Freud's anxiety. After all, "sexual theory" is the core content of Freud's psychoanalytic theory, including the subconscious, the Electra-Oedipus complex, Dream research, instinct theory, and personality theory are all closely related to "sex theory." This is just like Christianity's treatment of Copernicus' heliocentric theory. Once the core theory is untenable, other theories will be questioned even more.
In addition, most classical psychoanalysis cannot be scientifically observed and tested. Without the support of objective experimental evidence, it is difficult for it to be generally accepted by the scientific community. If there are differences in the theoretical system, it will be a blow to psychoanalysis.
After hearing this, Jung realized that he could no longer work with Freud because he believed that Freud loved authority more than truth. Although Jung's professional status declined after parting ways with Freud's theories. But he still had no choice but to develop his own theoretical system.
Founder of Psychoanalytic Theory 3So what are the characteristics of Jung’s theoretical system? It mainly includes the following three points:
1. Collective subconscious: We all know that Freud proposed the famous concept of "subconscious". He believed that human psychological activities are divided into For the conscious and subconscious mind.
Consciousness is the psychological activity that we can feel, accounting for only a very small part of the psychological activities. The subconscious mind includes all of our experiences, memories, and our repressed needs and motivations. It is not under our control, but it can affect our consciousness and behavior. The main subconscious need and desire is sexual desire. The sexual desire mentioned by Freud is not just "sex" in our literal sense, but includes all needs such as appetite, production, reproduction, etc. This is what Freud called the "personal unconscious."
But Jung believed that the subconscious mind not only includes sexual desire, but also includes a more important thing, "belief", which is as important as sexual desire. If sexual desire is the "personal subconscious", then faith is the "collective subconscious."
The collective subconscious is hidden deep in the soul. It accumulates the experiences we inherited from our human ancestors. Like the genetic code shared by the race, stored in our deepest archetypesMemory includes survival, death, history, heroes, myths, family, clan, etc. In Chinese terms, it is more like the inheritance of blood.
The most important thing here is the male intention and the female intention. They represent the masculinity of men and the femininity of women respectively.
Jung is represented by animus and anima respectively. This is the so-called persona.
2. Personality Mask: Anima and Animus
There are many kinds of personality masks described by Jung, the most important one is the Anima Ma and the animus.
The Animus is the image of a man in every woman’s heart and the male component in a woman’s mind. The animus has all the good qualities that women find good in men. Every woman's animus is different. A woman will feel fond of the characteristics of the animus in her heart, and when she meets a man who resembles her own animus, she will experience extremely strong attraction.
Anima is the image of a woman in every man’s heart, and is the female component in a man’s heart. The principle is the same as the animus.
Jung believed that it was the image of Anima in men’s hearts and the image of Animus in women’s hearts that promoted the communication and connection between men and women, making both men and women Being able to express their masculine and feminine sides so that people can achieve a balance between emotions, thinking and feeling makes people more human. This is more like the so-called beauty of the harmony of yin and yang in ancient China.
3. Personality type theory:
Another major contribution of Jung was the creation of "Analytical Psychology" through the analysis of human nature, and proposed He described the personality as a state of balance between a pair of opposite tendencies.
For example, conscious and subconscious, extroversion and introversion, intuition and feeling, masculinity and femininity, etc. He believes that most people's personalities find balance and stability in this opposition. Among them, the concepts of extroversion and introversion are the most meaningful.
Extroverts pay more attention to external experiences. They are more in tune with the people and things in the world around them, but they are not very good at mediating their inner needs. They are more outgoing and less influenced by self-consciousness.
Introverts are more focused on internal experience, their own feelings and emotions, which makes them seem more shy and less talkative.
The theory of personality types created by Jung promoted the development of temperament, traits, and personality type theories. A large number of personality tests originated from Jung's theory. Including the recently popular MBTI, which is based on Jung's personality type theory.
Jung has many other theories, including new interpretations of dream interpretation, psychological changes in middle age, etc. If you are interested in Jungian psychology, you can read "The Autobiography of Jung: Memories, Dreams and Reflections" for more information.Gain an in-depth understanding of Jung's life and his theories.
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